Clemp and Benkins Meet Beef Wellington

by now, persona non gravy readers are familiar with the bizarre cast of characters known as: Jed Clemp, Benkins, and Beef Wellington.

but, did you know that Clemp and Benkins actually met Beef Wellington?

the story goes...

Jed Clemp
he's a struggling songwriter living in Nashville. he takes a midnight roadtrip to Memphis, and his car breaks down in front of a crappy bar on the outskirts of town. he walks into the bar to ask the bartender if there are any repair shops in the area that can fix his car. Benkins is at the bar asking for directions to Nashville because he has a business meeting in the morning he "can't miss, or it's his ass!". Beef is on stage, singing his last number of the night, making a mockery of himself [as usual].

as Benkins is finishing up his conversation with the bartender, feverishly writing down directions to Nashville on a bar napkin, Beef finishes his act and heads straight to the bar. he plows his way through the crowd and ends up between Benkins and Jed. just as Jed is about to get the bartenders attention to ask about repair shops, Beef interrupts to order an "extra dirty martini with no less than four blue cheese olives and the prime rib - extra bloody - and make sure they don't charge me for it... they promised me free drinks and a meal".

the bartender walks away to fill Beef's order.

Beef [to Benkins and Jed]: you guys enjoy the show? [before they can answer] of course you did, i always kill at this place. i've been playing here since '57, and they still love me! you're not from around these parts, are you?

Benkins & Jed: [simultaneously] no.

Beef: where you from?

Benkins and Jed look at each other then back at Beef.

Benkins: no, sir, i'm from Chicago. i'm just trying to make my way to Nashville, i have a very important business meeting in the morning.

Beef: [disinterested in Benkins' reply] and you?

Jed: i'm from Nashville... [pause] my car broke down... i just need to find the closest repair shop so i can get back on the road.

Beef: where ya headed?

before Jed can answer, the bartender comes back with Beef's martini and prime rib. he returns to other side of the bar before Jed has a chance to talk to him.

Beef: it's about time!

Beef dives into his drink and bloody dinner.

Beef: so, where'd you say you were headed?

Jed: actually, i didn't... and, honestly, i don't really know.

Beef: [a mouth full of bloody meat and martini] those are the best trips! i don't even know how i got here. all i remember is running into a buffet table at a casino I was playing in... whatever... and the next thing I remember i was on stage here.

Benkins & Jed exchange awkward glances and give acquiescent nods to Beef.

---------------------------
thanks to Jed for filling me in on this bit of gravy history.